Safety in shibari is not optional; it is a fundamental element that must always come first. In this article, we’ll cover key principles that should be applied to all practices.
The rigger must adapt their technique to the physical and emotional state of the person being tied.
Causing physical injury or emotional harm (such as disregarding the tied person's experience) is unacceptable in an attempt to replicate a pattern or a photo.
When talking about shibari, instead of "absolute safety," it's more accurate to talk about "risk reduction" because total safety is unattainable.
This practice always carries inherent risks, so our goal is to minimize them and be prepared to respond if an accident or incident occurs.
The most effective tool we have for managing risk is proper education. Understanding the technique is key to mitigating risks effectively.
It's not just about "knowing how to do it"—it’s about understanding the risks involved, anticipating potential complications, and knowing how to handle them if they arise.
This knowledge is essential for personal responsibility in a safe practice. Simply watching a five-minute online video does not equip anyone to assess risks effectively.
Attempting techniques without proper knowledge and understanding is reckless. Persisting in this approach is dangerous and has no place in a responsible and safe shibari practice.
Shibari safety heavily depends on technical comprehension and the ability to foresee and manage risks. Ignoring this puts the physical and emotional well-being of everyone involved at risk.
Therefore, all participants—both the person tying and the one being tied—must prioritize proper training and a deep understanding of the technique before attempting any ties. This ensures a safer and more fulfilling experience for everyone.
How Much Force?
In shibari, intelligence should always take precedence over force.
In sekibaku, we aim to use the minimum amount of force or energy necessary to achieve the desired effect efficiently.
In other words, the key is precision and control, leaving no room for improvisation or uncertainty. This means using the least effort, the least force, and the least amount of rope necessary.
This is where technique comes into play. Those who came before us developed and refined specific techniques for specific purposes.
By studying and applying these techniques correctly, we enrich our experience and understanding of shibari.
It is crucial to avoid both excess and lack of force when tying. The rigger must learn to control the intensity, speed, and pressure of their movements.
Applying too much force, intensity, or speed can startle the person being tied, shifting their focus entirely to the discomfort or the anticipation of what’s coming next.
On the other hand, if the rigger moves hesitantly, too slowly, or applies weak and loose ties, the tied person may feel either bored or uncertain.
Neither extreme is desirable in sekibaku.
The tied person should be able to fully immerse themselves in the experience, without distractions or discomfort caused by the rigger’s actions.
In sekibaku, adaptability is an essential skill. The person tying must adjust not only to the individual being tied—considering their anatomy, physical state, and unique circumstances—but also to the present moment.
Every session is different. What worked yesterday might not be appropriate today.
In this style, rigidity has no place. We must approach each experience with flexibility, realistic expectations, and a willingness to embrace the moment instead of clinging to a predefined script.
Both the person tying and the one being tied should be open to stepping out of their comfort zones, lowering their defenses, and allowing vulnerability. This mutual openness is what makes for a meaningful, enriching experience.
Sekibaku is a dialogue—a conversation. And like any good conversation, it should be free of noise, tension, or unnecessary force. It requires both active listening and honest, fluid expression.
A session can feel like a conversation, an interview, or even an interrogation... but never punishment or torture.
In punishment and torture, there is no dialogue. At best, there is a monologue, with one person in control and the other at a disadvantage. The goal in those cases is to cause harm or extract a desired response, not to learn, share, or connect.
Using excessive force—causing harm is never acceptable in sekibaku. The techniques used in shibari are designed to restrain, not to injure. When force is misused, shibari shifts from an art of connection to a tool of violence.
Pain
These techniques should never cause pain. If pain is present, something is being done incorrectly.
If the tied person experiences discomfort—not yet pain—it should serve as an early warning sign that something isn’t right. That’s the moment to stop and assess what’s causing the issue.
This is how we learn—by analyzing, identifying problems, and applying corrective measures.
No one is immune to mistakes, and accidents can happen. But learning from them and preventing them in the future is what matters. The sooner we recognize and act on a problem, the lower the risk of serious injury.
Clear, direct, and honest verbal communication between both partners is essential for maintaining a safe and satisfying shibari practice.
Feel free to ask any questions or seek clarification on any concerns you may have.
Note: The "pain" we are referring to here is physical or emotional harm caused by carelessness or ego—not mutual satisfaction in a consensual sexual context.
Managing Expectations & Learning
The gap between expectations and reality can lead to frustration. This is neither inherently bad nor good—it’s something we need to acknowledge, manage, and express.
Aligning expectations before a session can be incredibly helpful. Talking about intentions beforehand and discussing experiences afterward helps process emotions and improve future sessions.
Frustration should be seen as a catalyst for growth, not as a roadblock or an endpoint.
Self-honesty, self-evaluation, and self-acceptance are essential for fulfilling our desires.
Honesty with your partner is also crucial. If you are not honest with yourself, it will be difficult to be honest with them.
Trying a technique 100 times and failing each attempt forces us to confront our expectations with reality. This can lead to frustration, and that’s normal.
Frustration is part of the learning process. If you never experience it, you may not be truly challenging yourself.
After about the age of 25, our brain’s plasticity changes. Learning new skills requires the presence of certain neurochemicals, which are released in response to frustration.
This means that frustration is not just a byproduct of learning—it’s a necessary part of it. Along with sleep, it plays a key role in consolidating and internalizing new knowledge.
Instead of avoiding frustration, we should embrace it as a natural and valuable part of growth.
It is vital for riggers to learn how to manage frustration effectively so it doesn’t negatively impact their experience or that of their partner.
If frustration starts to block you or interfere with your shibari journey—pause.
Reflect on what you're doing, what you want, what you truly desire in that moment. Sharing these thoughts with your partner can be beneficial for both of you.
And if you feel stuck, don’t hesitate to reach out. Our personal and professional experience may help guide you.
Open communication and a willingness to learn and evolve are fundamental to shibari.