Eroticization is the process of turning something we don’t typically consider erotic into something that is. This could be a part of the body, a situation, or even a person.
The key to achieving this lies in creating an erotic context.
When we engage in this process, what we’re really doing is expanding our erotic map.
This map can be thought of as the brain’s representation of erogenous zones and their sensitivity.
This is significant because stimulating parts of the body that we’ve labeled as erogenous within this map helps establish the erotic context.
Among other things, it influences the interoceptive system and the explanations and predictions our brain forms.
Everyone has a unique and individual erotic map; no two are alike. Furthermore, it evolves and changes over time, shaped by experiences and learning.
As a result, what works for one person may not necessarily work for others—at least not in the same way.
Exploring, expanding, and enjoying our erotic map is deeply satisfying and highly recommended. The richer it is and the more we understand it, the greater our potential to experience and create new, meaningful encounters.
When we start to expand our erotic map, there are two phenomena to keep in mind.
The first is desensitization.
This happens in areas that we rarely stimulate or pay little attention to, making it likely that they’ll take longer to respond.
The second phenomenon is habituation.
Here, we’re talking about areas that receive constant stimulation, causing the brain to stop generating sensations in those zones.
People who wear glasses or rings, for example, often say they stop noticing they’re wearing them until they feel discomfort, like tightness or weight (in the case of glasses). Unless that discomfort arises, they’re more likely to notice the absence of the ring or glasses than their presence.
In both cases, it’s important to be patient and take things slowly, without expecting to eroticize something on the first try or to generate an intense sensation right away. We need to gradually sensitize the area, always within an erotic context.
That said, while we can sensitize and eroticize any part of the body, there’s a limit to what we can achieve. This depends on the concentration of receptors in that area.
We can’t expect the lower back to have the same sensitivity as, say, the clitoris. However, we can work within our limits to increase sensitivity.
This is a learning process, and as such, mistakes are part of it—they’re expected. If we’re not making mistakes, we’re not learning; we’re just repeating what we already know.
So, we shouldn’t shy away from errors. They simply mean we’re learning something new. The key here is knowing how to manage them, and once again, communication between both parties is crucial.
Beneath the skin, there are countless receptors that gather information for the interoceptive system to process. We explore this in greater depth in our anatomy-focused classes.
We should—and will—use the entire body in shibari sessions.
When we’re in an erotic context, our bodies undergo numerous changes. Some of these include an increased heart rate, faster breathing, sweating, and muscle activation.
These specific changes are linked to the activation of the sympathetic nervous system.
The sympathetic nervous system is responsible for sending blood to tissues, and its activation is associated with preparing us to take action.
During an erotic interaction, everything in our bodies works to keep the erotic desire alive, and this emotion drives us to act.
It’s easy to see how these two are connected.
So, during a session, if we want to keep the erotic desire alive, our approach should aim to increase or at least maintain these variables (emotion, desire, and muscle activation).
Otherwise, if what we do ends up lowering the heart rate, slowing breathing, reducing sweating, or decreasing muscle activation, we’re doing the opposite, triggering the parasympathetic nervous system.
This branch of the autonomic nervous system is associated with calmness, relaxation, and digestion. Clearly, this is far from what’s needed to maintain an erotic context, as it leads to inactivity.
This isn’t about maintaining a constant upward climb where everything intensifies nonstop.
The idea is to understand that there are two “opposing” systems at play, each with different effects. Throughout the session, depending on the desired outcome, we can choose to steer toward one or the other at different moments.
What to Do if One Person Leaves the Erotic Context?
Stop the session. And if both are willing, start over from scratch.
It’s possible to recover quickly, yes.
But one person will be at a very low level of eroticization (the one who left the context), while the other will remain highly aroused, having never left the erotic context.
Emotions “color” our judgment. When they’re intense, they make us see everything through the lens of that emotion. If we’re talking about desire, we’ll interpret everything in erotic terms.
If we’re at different levels of eroticization, we’ll interpret what’s happening in different ways.