Following our previous post reviewing the diploma ceremony, several people expressed their surprise at seeing that we recognize both the person tying and the tied person.
This equality — "equity" would be the more precise term — is a fundamental characteristic of how we understand shibari, life, and relationships in the dojo, as well as of Yagami Ryu itself.
"In sekibaku, both partners are on the same level, both are on an equal power." — Yagami Ren
If we understand shibari as an erotic interaction between two people, this equity is something fundamental and unquestionable.
We must understand that equity here means both individuals actively and responsibly participate in the dynamic while maintaining their personal interests. Eroticism is unique, personal, and ever-changing.
When we look at the techniques of Yagami Ryu, the active participation of the person being tied is essential.
Without this, the person tying will not be able to adequately progress in developing their skills, remaining limited to simply memorizing steps, without ever internalizing the technique to create something unique each time.
Without that internalization of techniques, it will be impossible to adapt them to the changing circumstances encountered day by day.
As a result, the interaction between both will cease to be spontaneous and fluid, becoming limited to repeating learned patterns and behaviors — something that is inconsistent with a healthy, adaptive erotic experience.
The active participation of the person tied allows them to have a more intense personal experience, while also improving the safety of the practice.
Knowing how to respond when something isn’t right, or if a technique is being poorly applied, will directly impact their own safety and physical integrity.
Understanding what is happening physically, and how this affects their perception and emotions, is essential for a healthy experience and for maintaining emotional safety and hygiene.
And this understanding is achieved through the study and practice of techniques and knowledge. It never comes from opinions, sensations, or the phases of the moon and tides.
That is why, in our classes, we dedicate a lot of time to working with the tied person, focusing on their biomechanics and psychology, as they make up 50% of what is going to happen.
This focus on the person being tied often surprises students, whether in online or in-person classes.
And no, this work is not limited to some stretching and warm-up exercises. We aim to enhance their role and participation so that both the person form a tandem, complementing each other, and together fulfilling their individual desires.
For this reason, it’s common for a couple to only reach the level of knowledge and understanding required to receive their diploma thanks to the joint effort of both.
To move a boat forward, you need to use both oars; if you only row on one side, the boat will just go in circles.
Of course, neither in Yagami Ryu nor in the dojo do concepts like "enduring" have any place, where the person being tied is expected to put up with the incompetence and mistakes of the person tying.
It's completely normal to make mistakes when you're learning — even afterward — because that’s what mistakes are for.
But we learn from our mistakes, and if the person tying is doing something wrong, the tied person must assertively let them know, which helps to improve technique and deepen mutual understanding.