These two Eastern concepts serve as an excellent metaphor for understanding the moment of approach and initiation of erotic interaction.
In Summary
- Maa: Can be understood as an individual's personal space.
- Maai: Refers to harmonizing the respective personal spaces of two individuals, either by creating a single common space or by both coexisting in the same place and time.
It's unrealistic to consider as normative the idyllic scenario where, simply by approaching each other, two people in an erotic interaction merge their respective Maa into a beautiful intimate bubble.
If that happens, perhaps adding shibari would be excessive, and it might be more practical to focus on that explosion of desire.
What's most common in everyday reality, when the relationship already has some history, is that the very physiological nature of desire causes the generated dopamine to be insufficient to automatically merge both spaces, due to the effect of "habituation."
Therefore, we need extra stimuli to generate the appropriate erotic context.
Personal Space in the Erotic Experience
Erotic shibari, as taught at Escuela de Shibari - Shibari Dojo, expressly utilizes these personal spaces, creating a dynamic that consciously redefines the boundaries of intimacy.
Modern neuroscience has demonstrated that interactions in "personal space" provoke measurable physiological responses, and in active erotic contexts, they generate an increase in dopamine levels that predispose one to create or develop the erotic context.
Habituation and Sexual Desire
The habituation phenomenon described previously has a solid neurological basis.
Repetitive stimuli lose their capacity to generate intense dopaminergic responses, which explains the decrease in erotic desire in long-term relationships.
In this context, erotic shibari can "accelerate" the journey through the patterns of desire.
The sequential nature of shibari, and the possible prior agreements or pacts, allow for generating trust by operating within a structured context, while adaptation and improvisation allow this structure to be novel in each interaction.
The established asymmetry in resource management reinforces the function of erotic shibari as an accelerator of erotic desire, while placing it within the spectrum of "non-normative sexualities" or kink, with the incentive that any differentiation from normality provides.
Simultaneously (in properly informed interactions), the feeling of security generated by efficient technique management, the "disconnection" effect or isolation from the environment that is generated, and the establishment of a consent framework (implicit or explicit) facilitate facing the exploration of emotional patterns beyond what we usually allow ourselves, whether due to time, energy, or trust constraints.
Physiological Synchronization
The harmonization of personal spaces (Maai) has measurable physiological correlates. Heart rhythms, respiratory frequencies, facial expressions, or autonomic nervous system responses can become coupled between two people in such a situation.
In the context of shibari, the person tying has the ability to manage and utilize this synchronization to facilitate the establishment of the erotic context and allow the tied person to explore their pattern of desire, discovering emotional expressions that are little used or novel.
Observation of physiological responses is key to obtaining references that guide the tied person in this management.
Connection
Shibari does not exercise any kind of magic that causes mystical connections between its participants.
The physiological processes mentioned, along with many others that occur in erotic interaction when it reaches high degrees of intensity, mediate our perception of reality and what is happening, making erotic desire determine the meaning of everything that happens.
This "illusion" of connection, or real connection (since it is what we are actually experiencing at that moment), is reinforced by the process of restricting the behavior and expression capacity of the tied person.
Vulnerability
Although this aspect is treated in detail in another article, vulnerability is another characteristic of erotic shibari.
To clarify concepts, we are not so much dealing with vulnerability due to restriction or physical exposure, and inability to protect oneself, but rather an exercise in trust and exposure of emotions that may be strange even to the person experiencing them.
Altered State of Consciousness
Shibari, when practiced with full attention to Maai, can facilitate altered states of consciousness that have documented neurophysiological bases.
Taking the curve of the emotional process as a reference, as we approach the "ballistic point" or "point of no return," our perception of what happens and how it affects us is determined by the effects on the brain of the secreted neurochemistry.
These effects, in shibari, manifest in two different ways depending on the role we are in.
The tied person can reach altered states of consciousness, in some cases called subspace.
Their process of "rising" is quick, and their process of "coming down" does not delay beyond a few hours.
That is, after a few hours from the peak of the session, they will return to their "normality" emotionally and rationally. Their values and criteria will return to the usual ones.
Note, reaching an altered state of consciousness is neither a requirement nor a condition, just a circumstance that may occur in some cases.
It is important to keep in mind that these altered states of consciousness do not exempt us from responsibilities for our actions, but they do affect our capacity for assessment and decision-making. Something similar to what happens when we are under the effects of certain drugs.
For their part, the person who ties, due to the asymmetry of the interaction and their inherent function as session manager, maintains a level of attention and control, so they will not reach the emotional ballistic point that gives way to an altered state of consciousness.
But equally, they are immersed in an intense emotional process, only in their case the curve is flatter, forms a plateau, and the neurochemical effects take much longer to disappear.
In this way, it will normally be necessary for them to sleep and eat (like a hangover) so that they return to "normal" levels and can face decision-making sensibly.
The emotional process experienced and its physiological effects have nothing to do with mindfulness or other philosophical concepts, which are nothing more than interested interpretations of physical facts.
Emotional Expression
During an erotic interaction with a high emotional charge, such as shibari, emotional expressions that are strange to us due to their novelty may manifest. Sometimes they may even seem out of context to us.
Seem. But they won't be. There is no bad or invalid emotional expression. As surprising or strange as they may seem to us, all emotions and experiences of both parties are perfectly valid.
Inhibiting or rejecting them, whether our own or the other party's, significantly reduces sexual satisfaction and the quality of interaction.
"It will do us no good to know how to replicate elaborate figures with ropes if we are not able to connect with the person with whom we are interacting."
Understanding, from scientific knowledge, the emotional processes associated with the practice of shibari will help us improve the erotic experience and, in the case of couples with stable bonds, strengthen that relationship, regardless of the technical complexity of the tying patterns.