Handling the rope means using it as a tool to achieve a specific purpose during the session. It is neither a whim nor a theatrical resource to stand out from others; it is a deliberate technique aimed at a concrete result.
Rope Direction
Due to its twist, rope has a direction. If you slide it between your fingers, you’ll notice that in one direction (following the twist), it glides smoothly, whereas in the opposite direction (against the twist), it moves less easily. Depending on the rope’s thickness, stiffness, and type of weave, it might even catch or snag.
This characteristic is beneficial when tying, as moving the rope in the direction of its twist ensures it flows smoothly and naturally acts as a "brake," preventing it from slipping back.
Searching for the rope’s correct direction each time you use it can be inconvenient, so the best way to guarantee you always work with it “in favor” of the weave is to fold it in half and handle it from the center.
Ropes are handled folded in half to facilitate their movement and make them less prone to sliding backward.
Open Hand
The rope handling in this style of shibari is fluid, gentle, and free of abrupt movements, while still maintaining the appropriate tension.
For this reason, we use an "open-hand" technique, holding the rope lightly, with a relaxed, open hand that does not apply pressure.
In sekibaku, we don’t grip tightly. The harder you grip the rope, the harder it will be to handle.
During practice, pay attention to your hands (the tied person can act as an "observer" here): if veins become prominent, knuckles turn white, or your fist closes tightly around the rope, you are performing the technique incorrectly.
Gripping the rope tightly not only makes it harder to work with but will also tire you out.
Tension in the hand indicates two issues:
- You are not using your core to move.
- You are demanding effort from your hand that exceeds its anatomical design.
The hand is designed for fine motor skills, not for exerting strength.
If you demand strength from your hand, it will tire quickly, cramp, and, as a result, become less effective at performing tasks that require precision, such as passing the rope swiftly and smoothly.
Handling
A thinner rope requires less energy to manage than a thicker one. Additionally, its knots and shapes tend to be more pleasing and aesthetic, so it’s recommended to start with thinner ropes.
Choosing diameters outside the range of 4 to 8 millimeters is neither safe nor practical. The most suitable choice lies within the 5-6 millimeter range.
Regarding rope diameters, these measurements are not entirely reliable or standardized. Manufacturers usually provide the numbers, which refer not to the finished rope but to the gauge set on the braiding machine prior to production.
We handle the rope from the loop, always working with the shorter section and leaving the longer part behind. This minimizes unnecessary effort and movement.
As for rope ends, some people sew them or add physical elements to prevent fraying.
Given its intended use, the most efficient approach is to tie a simple knot, following the rope’s weave direction.
This is practical for joining two ropes or closing a tie. If the knot comes undone, it can be easily and quickly retied without losing time or complicating the process.
While stitching can add a personalized touch or serve as a creative activity, it’s less useful for joining ropes or securing ties.
Using beads or metal pieces at the ends poses risks. Imagine a metal tip swinging through the air and accidentally hitting a tooth—it’s easy to see the potential danger.
When passing the rope to create a knot or shape, never push it through. Instead, pull it from the other side (using a finger as a hook) and guide it toward you without applying direct pressure.
Pushing the rope can loosen its weave, causing it to gradually lose some of its properties, making it harder to handle and shortening its lifespan.
In an erotic interaction, where physical contact plays a significant role, it’s common to be tempted to "caress" with the rope for stimulation.
However, within the set of techniques in sekibaku, this practice is a mistake.
If the caress is not part of the erotic dynamic that the tied person is experiencing at that moment, such a maneuver will have the opposite effect, acting as a distraction rather than a stimulus.
For the same reason, we should not slide the rope over the body as if it were a sensuous tongue.
The rope should be applied in a single, deliberate pass, as if it were a non-elastic adhesive (think, for example, of vinyl or duct tape), avoiding folds or dragging the skin.
Obviously, no back-and-forth sliding. We are communicating with the rope, so the message should be unique, clear, simple, and concise.
Now, those of you with some experience might be thinking about the single column tie and its adjustments. I've included a link at the end of this article explaining the correct approach.
In general, we should avoid rubbing the rope against the body.
If adjustments or corrections are needed, it’s better to remove the rope from the body first and then reapply it. Again, think of the rope as adhesive: peel it off and reapply rather than sliding it around.
Another major disruptor is adjusting a tie by slipping fingers between the rope and the body.
This technique was popularized by someone who, in nearly 70 years of life, has no known history of stable relationships and whose methodology does not align with the principles of sekibaku.
If, for some exceptional reason, we need to adjust a rope already secured within a closed structure, these adjustments should be small and performed carefully. We should not act directly on the rope, but rather on the fascia near it, using gentle, vertical movements.
Once again, avoid distractors.
There’s no issue with a rope crossing over another, as long as the tied person does not express discomfort and there is no evident safety risk.
There is absolutely no need to "iron" the ropes or ensure they are perfectly symmetrical and parallel.
These two quirks, popularized by the same unfortunate individual, are entirely disconnected from Japanese culture and aesthetic principles.
As a general rule, when creating forms and patterns, if one rope crosses another, it should pass underneath and reverse direction. This not only enhances stability but also maintains both aesthetics and functionality. (This will be covered in detail when working on complex patterns.)
Avoid short, rapid hand movements when passing a long rope. Don’t move your arms like a squirrel; this creates uncontrolled and inefficient motions.
Instead, follow these steps:
- Extend one arm to pull the rope in a broad, controlled motion without fully spreading your wingspan.
- Use your other hand to complete passing the rope.
If your ropes are approximately four times your wingspan, you can complete this step in two movements, improving efficiency and reducing unnecessary effort.
When tying someone, they should not feel any jerks or wobbling each time you handle the rope. Your handling should be smooth, fluid, and controlled.
Focus
Handling rope is a manual skill, so it requires practice to develop.
We shouldn’t be dazzled by what we see. The word shibari is a verb referring to "the act of tying," not the rope itself (nawa in Japanese). Therefore, let’s always remember that while the rope is an important element, it is not the most essential one.
Focusing too much on the rope, its technique, and its application is a mistake that can make us lose sight of the true essence of erotic shibari: the communication and interaction between the people involved.
Focusing on shapes, patterns, or executing a specific figure can lead to frustration, especially for beginners. Trying to replicate a design seen in a photo requires skills that take time to develop, as well as knowledge that often goes beyond what is taught in YouTube tutorials.
Understanding the technique for handling ropes is crucial.
The more knowledge and understanding we gain, the more options we will have and the better we’ll be able to manage each situation, minimizing the inherent risks of this practice.
This knowledge should lead us to develop the skills needed to perform the technique naturally, so that in practice, it doesn’t demand much of our attention.
Practice
It’s ideal to separate "practice" or learning from the erotic encounter. Dedicate the available time (which is often limited) to learning basic techniques and gradually progressing.
This doesn’t mean "doing a new figure every day." Instead, it’s about repeating basic techniques as many times and for as long as needed to truly internalize them. Once a technique is mastered, move on to the next, while periodically revisiting the basics.
A useful guideline is to apply less than 50% of the skills developed during practice in an erotic encounter. This way, you’re always operating within your safety margin.
What should you practice?
In erotic shibari, the focus is not on the figures but on the utility of the rope. The aim is restraint, support, stimulation, and communication, leaving geometry and acrobatics as secondary considerations.
The first element to work on is confidence and security in your own skills—what you convey when someone watches you handle the ropes, and what the tied person perceives.
This requires significant self-analysis and honesty. Ego must be set aside, and realism embraced. If your skills are limited, that’s okay. Stay within your current abilities. Don’t try to imitate photos or videos online. Managing risks is non-negotiable.
Erotic shibari is about sharing experiences, not replicating photos or someone else’s experiences, about which we often know little to nothing.
Self-analysis is not easy. After over 20 years of teaching, I’ve seen countless riggers come to classes claiming they "know" how to perform a certain figure—often advanced ones. The reality is, they don’t. They lack a solid understanding of and mastery over the foundational techniques.
Going back to correct bad habits accumulated over years of incorrect practice is harder than starting fresh.
To build confidence, start with basic techniques. Repeat them extensively and don’t move on until they’re fully understood and your hands develop the necessary dexterity. Allow time for knowledge to settle both mentally and physically. Once mastered, you can move to the next technique.
The second element to focus on is rope handling—how you move and manage it. Poor technique in this area creates a communication gap, like reading a message full of spelling errors or trying to express yourself without a minimum vocabulary.
This skill takes time and practice to develop. It consists of both technical and intuitive components.
The technical aspect of rope handling involves understanding how the rope is constructed, how forces move through it, how to use tension to your advantage, and how to pass the rope in the least disruptive way for the tied person. This is a matter of technique, not opinion or preference.
The intuitive aspect guides you through trial and error, adapting and transferring the cold technique to each interaction, whether with the same person or someone new.
Mistakes will happen—don’t worry. Mistakes provide valuable lessons. However, don’t underestimate them. A mistake isn’t causing harm; it’s failing to achieve the expected outcome. Sometimes, this leads to something better. Avoid frustration, denial, or blaming the mistake. Accept it and improve.
Forgiveness for harm caused should never depend on the relationship between individuals. That would be abusive behavior. Any harm caused must be addressed—practices or behaviors that led to it must change, and lessons must be learned. This is known as adaptive restoration.
Sabaku refers to "rope handling." The term is originally used in Japan to describe the movements fishermen make with their fishing lines when casting their hooks.
The metaphor of the fisherman is fitting. Fishing begins as a thought, which takes shape through decisions. The type of fish, the river or sea, the time of day, and the bait are chosen based on knowledge and preparation.
Finally, the fisherman casts the line and enjoys the process, regardless of whether a fish ends up in the basket. Each step of the process brings fulfillment. This is a wonderful approach to erotic shibari practice.
Flow
What do we see in this video?
In this video, we chain several techniques through a smooth handling of the rope.
The first recommendation is not to tighten the rope.
The management of its movements should originate from the core of the person tying. If we tighten the rope with the hand, we block the fluidity of the movement. The tension and stability should come from the core, while the precise and delicate movement is managed with the hands.
Therefore, we should handle the rope with an "open hand".
It is essential to understand that the rope is a tool, not an end in itself nor the center of shibari. For this reason, we always insist that you first learn all the techniques without the rope, using only your hands, and then incorporate the rope as an extension of them.
The handling of the body of the person being tied, their movements, and what they are experiencing can be managed through the rope, but to achieve this, we must first learn how to do it with our own body.
体の使い方をしっかり基本通りに行えば縄は吸い付くように体に染み込むように張り付く。
_If you understand and properly apply the technical fundamentals in managing your body, the rope will follow its movements, adapting to it as if absorbed by the body itself._
This quote from Yagami Ren directly links the handling of the rope with the fundamentals (kihon 基本) of body movement (taijutsu 體術) and the enveloping technique of musubi (結び).
What Yagami Ren conveys is that the organic and fluid movement, as well as the control observed in advanced videos, are not the result of improvised actions, but rather the outcome of study, understanding, and integration of solid technical principles.