The first concept we must be clear about when referring to restraint in shibari is that restraint is carried out with the body, not with the ropes.
The ropes will be used later to reinforce the restraint.
All the restraints we use in shibari are based on using the anatomy of the person being tied to limit their ability to move.
Therefore, and for a safe practice, it is essential to have some knowledge and understanding of human anatomy.
In particular, the concepts of activation and dynamic range are key to adapting the restraint to each body.
The restraint must be adapted to the body of the person being tied. The techniques we teach are valid for all bodies.
Obviously, the presence of previous injuries or limitations to the functional movement of the body may mean that the technique "as we teach it" is not applicable in that specific case. This simply means that we must find another way to apply the technique so that it is effective without causing harm.
If you have trouble applying these techniques or they are not working for you, contact us. Do not try to force the restraint. You would be running an unnecessary risk of injury.
Within the erotic context, we would be making a big mistake if we understood restraint as the goal of shibari.
It is a part, a requirement through which we will develop our eroticism. That is why it is important to apply techniques that are simple and effective so that they do not become the bulk of the session.
Reason of Restraint
If you have paid attention to the previous lessons, you will already know that desire is managed through behavior and thought. Well, restraint is a very efficient tool for restricting a person's behavior.
Although from the beginning it must be clear to us that we will work on restraint at various levels, from the physical limitation of movement through anatomical restraints, to a certain restriction of the ability to manage through the induction of behaviors and movements.
This combination of degrees and applications ranging from the subtle to the brutal is one of the characteristics of shibari.
Biomechanical Restraint
If we understand shibari as an anatomical restraint reinforced with ropes in an erotic context, it is necessary to first understand what we mean when we talk about restraint.
Restraint is any limitation of movement imposed externally; shackles, an order, or handcuffs are just a few examples.
But the mere presence of an authority figure is also a valid example of behavioral restraint.
It is a limitation, not a total impediment, as there is a margin of movement that will be reduced or increased as the session progresses.
In shibari, we tend to think that the restraint lies in the rope; however, the rope is the tool we will use to fix the restraints, not to create them, since these must always stem from the body's mobility.
To do this, we will use biomechanical techniques based on circular movements and the creation of angles in different parts of the body; so it is useful to remember the pattern of mobile and stable joints when applying these techniques.
In other words, we will use the body of the person being tied to generate a physical restraint by blocking their own joints.
Why do we complicate our lives so much and not directly use some physical element, such as handcuffs, duct tape, or a stock?
When we use external physical elements in restraint, we are not requiring activation in the body of the immobilized person, they do not need it, so we find ourselves in a situation similar to the one we saw earlier when referring to the person's own will as an element of restraint.
By using an anatomical restraint, we force the restrained body to maintain muscle activation.
Sekibaku requires muscle activation in both participants. It is necessary to maintain tension, to establish a communication channel, to activate stimulation...
In short, to manage desire.
Previous Safety Warnings
- Restraint techniques are dangerous; there is a risk of injury. Caution and safety are NOT optional.
- The restraint techniques we teach should NOT hurt. If it hurts, you are doing it wrong. The principle of anatomical restraint is based on muscle activation, a function incompatible with pain.
- It is not a fight or a punishment. There is no need to dominate, conquer, or subdue. Only to limit movement.
- Adapting the technique to each body is a requirement. For this, you must know some anatomical fundamentals.
- Do not imitate what you see in videos, neither here nor elsewhere. It does not work that way.
- Remember, we are practicing techniques that we will apply in an erotic environment. Think about whether everything you are doing can be transposed to such a situation and whether it would be satisfying or not.
This is Fundamental
Do not try to copy the reactions shown in tutorials, demos, or performances. Do not expect to obtain what you think is happening to other people. You are not the ones in the video or on stage.
And even if you were, do not expect to replicate the same experience twice. Eroticism is about learning to listen and understand the body and desire, both of the one tying and the one being tied.
Anatomical restraint is built by keeping the joints within their active dynamic range.
Never, ever, should we take them to their passive range.
By doing so, the muscles associated with that joint will stop supporting the applied forces, passing the load to the tendons first, and then to the ligaments, with the risk of injury that this entails.
Technical Fundamentals of Restraint
During the previous lessons of this course, we covered several biomechanical concepts, which in themselves do not seem very exciting or arousing.
But it is necessary that you understand and assimilate them to apply them safely and efficiently.
The first foundation (kihon 基本) we apply when building a restraint is posture (shisei 姿勢). It is the foundation. We need both bodies to be in a neutral anatomical position.
Can we carry out restraints without this "posture"?
Of course, but we will be less efficient, we will be using more energy, making it more difficult to stabilize the restraint, and therefore, the risks will increase.
When defining the optimal position of the body in terms of effectiveness, it will depend on the mobility and physical condition of that body, and the demand or physical load we are going to impose on it.
We must understand this concept as a gradient, in which the closer we get to the optimal position, the more effective the restraint will be and the fewer risks of injury there will be.
Each body is different, and each day our physical condition changes; so the optimal position for each person will be different, as it depends on many individual factors such as anatomical constitution, muscle mass, or mobility, among others.
The second foundation involved in restraint are two that go together, balance (バランス) and breaking the balance (kuzushi 崩し).
The third foundation involved is geometries.
- Square: representing the posture in balance.
- Triangle: as a visualization of the vectors of movement and force.
- Circle: since, fundamentally, we will work on "ball" joints, the movements will be circular.
Human bodies are not pure geometric shapes. They all have an asymmetry and a direction. Each has its peculiarities. Identifying this is very useful when planning how to anatomically restrain a particular person at a specific moment.
The fourth foundation is mobility or activation.
We must be clear that for an anatomical restraint to be efficient, we need the involved joint to remain stable throughout the process. This stability will be given by the activation of the muscles that control it.
Building a Restraint
Let's see step by step how a restraint is built in shibari.
We start from a fundamental principle: the restraint is anatomical.
There are other forms of immobilization, but they require elements foreign to shibari and divert us from the approach that interests us.
Here, the body is the central axis, and more specifically, the muscle group we work on. For the restraint to work, that group must be active, under tension.
That tension is not exclusive to the one being tied. The one tying must also keep their body active, especially their core.
Anatomical restraint is not imposed through force, but is built through bodily communication.
Just as the string of a child's telephone needs to be taut to transmit sound, the body of both must maintain a constant connection for communication to flow.
The one tying is not forcing the other person into restraint, but requesting it. Not with words, but with intention, with the energy transmitted through their own body.
It is a kind of mental trick, a brainhack that transforms the experience into a physical dialogue.
And what is communicated in this dialogue?
Desire. Erotic shibari is a conversation about desire, in which every gesture transmits and receives.
The tone of this conversation—the emotion that contextualizes it—depends on the honest intention of both parties. Without honesty, the technique may work, but the result will be different, and we risk entering dynamics that border on abuse. It is not the way. Be honest, and you will find deeper satisfaction in your own desires.
The First Step: Being Two
It seems obvious, but the first step is to be two people.
Many tell me: "I have no one to do shibari with." I understand. But the key is not to limit yourself. Do not be shy about exploring your own desire, accepting it, and sharing it honestly.
It is not my role to play matchmaker, but do not let yourselves be trapped by unrealistic ideals. We are all people, we are all desirable, and we all feel desire. What is important is to get out of closed circles and stale environments that only restrict possibilities.
Erotic desire is universal, and shibari is just one practice within a sea of possibilities. It is true that it is still uncommon, but if we remove from the equation the three sexual acts omnipresent in porn, the statistics on what people desire and enjoy change notably.
Of course, if on the first day you propose to someone a scenario far removed from social norms, they are likely to be surprised. But instead of starting with the most flashy paraphernalia, introduce into your interactions the basic concepts: an anatomical restraint, a slow exploration of desire, and above all, mutual connection.
Advance naturally and let the rhythm be set by your relationship, at that particular moment.
I insist on "as a couple." When one party drags the other into areas where they do not feel comfortable, the risk of abuse increases alarmingly. But if we start from the basis that both people are adults, conscious, informed, and curious, the experience can be enriching for both.
Building a restraint in shibari is much more than tying. It is communicating with the body, exploring desire with honesty, and creating a dialogue where we will discover new expressions of our emotions, of both.