The "Desire Diagram" of sekibaku outlines the sequence to follow so that the person being tied can delve deeper into their desires. We represent it using a pentagram inspired by the cycles of creation and destruction in Eastern cultures.
One of the features that initially caught our attention about Yagami Ren's shibari style was its focus on erotic experiences, particularly the framework that originally formed the first "course" of his approach.
This framework was graphically represented by a pentagram and encapsulated what he initially called kyoshogaku.
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Recently, Yagami Ren has stopped including this part in his teachings, which we believe is a mistake, as it was truly what gave his style its essence.
We understand that, on one hand, the language barrier and the difficulty of explaining advanced concepts in a non-native language pose a challenge.
Additionally, the background of the proposed "system" ties into some darker episodes of Japan’s recent history (referenced in the "Context" section of this course), which may make him uncomfortable having to provide explanations.
What’s less acceptable is that he continues to approach topics like desire, pleasure, emotions, and sexuality from paradigms and frameworks that, while scientific, are entirely outdated and carry a marked misogynistic bias.
For this reason, the "diagram" or "system" we’re developing here is an evolution of Yagami Ren's original framework, updated, refined, and presented from the perspective of satisfying the erotic desires of everyone involved in an erotic experience where shibari is used precisely to explore that desire.
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1. Restriction
The first step is restriction. For many people, the simple act of tying or being tied is already an erotic experience.
But sekibaku isn’t just for "bondage enthusiasts"—it’s also suitable for those approaching it with curiosity and fear for the first time, as each step seeks to eroticize the situation.
The way the ropes are tied, applied, and the body is managed aims to achieve this eroticization.
But let’s be clear about what we’re referring to. If I say "restriction" and "shibari," it’s easy to imagine a full-body tie, or even a suspension.
That’s a misconception. Restriction means interfering with the other person’s behavior. That’s why, in earlier lessons on communication, we emphasized the importance of observing the reaction of the person being tied when the person tying them simply approaches.
That alone is restriction.
The Japanese are very practical and value efficiency. Every movement, every touch, every wrap of the rope is a restriction.
It’s a sentence in a conversation—the first sentence. The person tying must give the person being tied time to process and respond, and they must also give themselves time to listen and decide the next step based on that response.
2. Arousal
The second step is arousal, understood as the body’s reaction to an external stimulus.
Don’t expect it to be an explosion of moans and bodily spasms. That would be unusual, exaggerated, and likely fake.
To visualize what we mean, think of when you feel a breeze or a drop of water running down your skin.
We’re talking about sensations that, in themselves, don’t have a specific value—they simply indicate a response to the previous step.
For the person being tied, it’s a process of feeling and letting their body react naturally.
For the person tying, it’s an exercise in listening and observing to perceive the subtle changes in the person being tied.
3. Stimulation
Third step: stimulation. And again, this isn’t about using a "satisfyer" or going straight for the genitals or erogenous zones.
On the contrary, it’s about turning the arousal from the previous step into something erotic—about eroticizing what we’re doing. Eroticization allows us to experience the situation as pleasurable.
How? There’s no universal method, as it depends on the person and the moment. Explore your own eroticism and discover ways to eroticize within shibari.
A tip: the subtler, the more effective. Something too direct or abrupt has a high chance of backfiring.
This is because if the stimulation applied doesn’t align with the emotional schema the person being tied is experiencing at that moment, it will feel contradictory and may pull them out of the erotic context.
On the other hand, if the stimulation is subtle and open-ended enough, it will fit almost any emotional schema, further eroticizing the moment.
4. Desire
Each step organically leads to the next, with desire being the fourth point of this pentagram of desire.
By now, you’ll have gathered that this increase is gradual and shouldn’t be too drastic from one step to the next.
Remember, this entire process happens within a single movement—whether it’s approaching, making contact, applying the first restriction, or tying the first ropes.
In other words, all of this happens in a very short time for each movement, each touch, or each wrap of the rope. Obviously, it’s not practical to replicate the entire step-by-step process in each of the hundreds of movements we make.
But the closer we stick to this process, the greater our control over what we’re experiencing.
Step by step, we’ve reached a point where desire increases, grows. But it’s not satisfied.
As a result, the brain, unable to resolve this increase in desire with the current emotional schema, discards it and moves to a less habitual one.
5. Contradiction
The fifth step of the process, though not the last, is called contradiction.
This is the moment when the person being tied discards the mental schema they were using, as what they thought would lead to the satisfaction of desire doesn’t happen in reality.
Not only is the desire not being satisfied, but it continues to grow. So, they must discard the current schema and access a deeper level of consciousness.
It’s important to keep this phase of the process in mind and to find moments to, so to speak, close this cycle so we can adapt the session to this change.
Technically, achieving this synchronization is impossible, as the duration of each of these emotional moments is measured in milliseconds. Therefore, the focus of management is to guide the person in an upward spiral.
Step by Step
A clarification: often, when we explain this process, people think of it as something to apply to the entire session, but that’s not the case.
This process must be applied in each step, in each movement.
Let me give you an example to illustrate, which will make it easier to understand:
If we’re using sekibaku in an erotic encounter, the person tying is the threat, so their presence and approach to the person being tied already constitute a restriction.
Observe their reaction to your presence, their arousal, and decide how to act next to turn that arousal into stimulation.
The person being tied begins to feel "in bondage," in a situation of mild behavioral restriction that triggers a certain degree of increase in their erotic desire. Their mind is using an initial schema.
The next action by the person tying should manage that desire—not by satisfying it, but by increasing it (for example, not tying directly, but instead changing their posture or increasing their muscle activation).
The expectation created by the person being tied isn’t met, but their desire increases, so they activate a new schema of desire.
And so on, step by step.
This isn’t about "denying orgasm" or "frustrating" the person being tied, but about going one step further—discarding the first thing that comes to mind and using our ingenuity to increase the intensity of desire and, consequently, the erotic experience.
Of course, we’re not going to execute all these steps in every movement—that wouldn’t be practical—but the closer we get to it, the better.
Starting Over
In the previous step, which closes the pentagram, I mentioned it wasn’t the last, and that’s true. Once we complete the cycle, we start over, again and again, continuously.
Following this process allows us to propel the person being tied along their emotional "ramp."
As the session progresses, and to avoid getting stuck in the first mental schema that responds to desire, the person tying must use rope and body techniques to influence the thoughts of the person being tied.
By increasing their level of arousal, the more common schemas are discarded as they fail to deliver the satisfaction being sought.
Why Is Stagnation a Risk?
It’s not that something bad happens—we’re not in danger. It’s simply that desire is an emotion that requires context and energy to sustain itself.
Stagnating here means not exploring new emotional schemas and staying stuck at one point. The problem is that desire can’t sustain itself in this state, so it will gradually diminish until the person steps out of the erotic context.
Is this good? Is it bad?
It depends on the situation. In itself, it simply means that one of the two people is no longer in an erotic context, while the other still is, which can make the interaction feel a bit off.
We always recommend that when this happens—when one person steps out of the erotic context—they communicate it. Pause the session, and assess whether it’s possible to resume or if it’s better to move on to something else.
To maintain an upward spiral of desire, we must repeat the process each time we want to explore a new layer of desire.
How far? For how long?
There’s no single answer. Each person is different, each interaction is different. It depends on many factors.
It’s important to keep in mind that this process demands a lot of energy. The deeper we go, the more energy it takes to sustain the situation.
On the emotional level, we also need to consider how much we want to "expose" ourselves, as discarding schemas and exploring new ones means lowering our barriers, so the deeper we go, the more vulnerable we become.
This is where pre-session dialogue, and especially post-session reflection, will give you clues about your preferences and limits in these kinds of situations.