The significance of the Kote Tori (小手取), lies in the fact that it is the first physical point of contact between the person tying and the one being tied. This initial touch sets the tone for the entire interaction, shaping the dynamic that will unfold between them.
Influence of Aikido
Drawing from his background in Aikido, Yagami Ren introduces this technique with clear influences from Kote Tori (小手取), or wrist grip.
While this approach helps us understand key principles of body mechanics, applying it directly to erotic shibari presents some challenges—mainly because the underlying intent is fundamentally different.
In Aikido, the goal of this technique is to unbalance and subdue an opponent through adaptation, control, and dynamic response.
However, in the context of shibari, we are not trying to “subdue” or “defeat” a partner. Instead, we are initiating a sequence of actions that impact both the erotic flow of the session and the physical engagement of the body.
This process involves both participants.
What we retain from Aikido is the principle of restriction—both physical and behavioral—along with the emphasis on adaptation, balance, and dynamic activation.
Behavioral Restriction
Even before physical contact occurs, the mere presence of the tying person already exerts an influence over the tied partner.
Here, intention plays a crucial role, as well as the tied person's interpretation of that presence and intention.
Strictly speaking, this is not just about "restricting" behavior but rather about managing it. If our goal is to elicit authentic emotional responses from the tied partner, forcing them to react in a predetermined way will only result in a performative response rather than a genuine one.
A simple example of how another person’s presence affects our behavior can be observed when riding public transport. When someone—whether a friend or a stranger—sits beside us, our posture, our awareness, and even our breathing patterns subtly shift in response to their presence.
Maa (間) and Maai (間合)
These two Japanese concepts provide a useful metaphor for understanding the moment of approach and the start of interaction:
- Maa: The personal space of an individual.
- Maai: The dynamic negotiation of personal space between two individuals—either merging into a shared space or coexisting within the same physical and temporal proximity.
Ideally, in an erotic interaction, two people would naturally merge their respective Maa into a seamless bubble of intimacy the moment they approach each other. If this happens effortlessly, introducing shibari might even seem unnecessary—perhaps the most natural course of action would be to surrender to that raw desire instead.
However, in reality, as relationships evolve, the physiological nature of desire shifts. Over time, the novelty effect fades, and habituation dulls the brain’s dopamine response, making it harder to achieve spontaneous intimacy.
This is why we need additional stimuli to create an erotic context.
Intention and Adaptation
As the person leading the session, the one tying starts with a clear intention, goal, or framework for how they envision the interaction unfolding.
At the same time, the tied partner also brings their own expectations, desires, and reactions into the experience.
A natural first step is to approach and initiate contact in a way that conveys this initial intention, setting the tone for the session.
Observing the tied partner’s reaction to this first contact is crucial, as is analyzing their response.
Based on this, the tying person can adjust or refine their approach.
This does not mean abandoning the initial plan just because the response isn’t an exact match—or maybe it does, if the reaction is significantly different from what was anticipated. In such cases, it may be worth reconsidering the broader approach.
There are no “right” or “wrong” responses from the tied partner. Likewise, barring extreme mismatches or discomfort, there are no inherently “good” or “bad” intentions from the one tying.
The key takeaway here is that this first step is about opening a door to the erotic experience—not about achieving a final result.
"Even the smallest opening contains an entire space beyond."
— Tamura Nobuyoshi Sensei
From a session management perspective, this technique is about initiating and guiding the session into an erotic framework—one that will deepen step by step throughout the experience.
Physical Restriction
In Aikido, Kote Tori is a restraining technique, but it is too direct and forceful to be truly effective in an erotic context—at least not without understanding certain biomechanical principles and their impact on shibari.
For one, the very concept of a “wrist grip” poses an issue. In this setting, the goal of initial contact is not to overpower or subdue the partner.
Typically, since the most efficient restriction involves bringing the arms behind the back, this will be the logical next step after gripping. Therefore, for the sake of explanation, we will assume this scenario.
Other positions—such as arms in front, downward, or overhead—are covered in detail within the kata sections of this course.
If we aim to guide the tied partner’s arms behind their back to establish a physical restriction, the following key principles must be considered:
Posture: Shisei (姿勢)
Both partners must maintain a balanced, neutral posture, creating a stable kinetic chain that effectively utilizes ground reaction force (GRF).
Activation: Haru Chikara (張る力)
While a solid shisei posture naturally engages the body, the tied partner must also respond actively to the tying person’s contact.
This does not mean resisting or pushing back. Instead, they should lean into the touch, redistributing a portion of their weight and treating the point of contact as an additional point of support—just as one would when leaning against a wall or resting a hand on a solid surface.
The tying person, in turn, must receive and integrate this weight into their own kinetic chain, redirecting it in a way that maintains balance and flow.
A useful analogy is dancing: When two people dance, one does not collapse onto the other, but they do share and exchange weight. If you don’t dance (you should), an embrace can serve as a comparable metaphor.
Contact: Fureru (触れる)
As explored in earlier lessons, where we make contact profoundly influences the body’s response.
If the goal is to move the arms backward, contact should be made on the outer side of the forearm (along the pinky-side line) while avoiding the inner side (thumb-side line) or center, as those areas will instinctively activate muscles that resist backward movement.
Thus, it is best to avoid gripping the arm entirely and instead use an open-hand technique, utilizing the anatomical snuffbox (the space between the thumb and index finger) for refined control.
Forearm, not wrist.
For safe and effective anatomical restriction, the forearm—particularly the upper third near the elbow along the pinky-side line—is the ideal contact point. This varies from person to person and even from day to day.
Since it is the tied partner’s body being engaged, they should provide clear feedback on where contact feels most effective and sustainable.
The ultimate biomechanical goal is to create a shared kinetic circuit between both participants, ensuring that ground reaction force is efficiently distributed and leveraged for movement management.